Peace in the Midst of Confusion

I used to think that peace could not co-exist with confusion. When my world is spinning upside down, around, and being shaken up, peace is the last thing on my mind. I used to think that when everything seemed to be going wrong, the only emotion you were allowed to feel was confusion. I know that might sound a little bit crazy to some of you, but that "logic" just made sense in my maturing little brain. :)

(Photo: Sunset in College Place, August 25)

Now, I finally understand what it feels like to be completely confused and entirely at peace with the situation I am in. I may not know the answers or where to go from here, but what I do know is worth so much more than the unknown. I know that God is with me wherever I go, in whatever I do and that to feel anything less than peace in these moments reflects a distrust in the almighty power of the living God. I believe God can do incredible things and I believe that He can work miracles, even when it seems so insignificant at the time. I believe in my God. :)

This is a short blog entry, but there is so much happiness behind it. :) :) :)

Even so, come Lord Jesus, COME!

Best Week/end EVER

I am certain that last week has been one of the best in my life, not to mention that this week is totally starting out on the right foot!

Last week my boss in the admissions/enrollment office went on a week-long vacation to the Seattle area with his wife. Katie (the girl I work with) and I were assigned the task of keeping up with the office duties we could accomplish without the assistance of Dallas (which is surprisingly, quite a bit - the only thing we couldn't do is check our work and keep the files moving; they are currently waiting for Dallas in a very full file drawer...lucky him). :)

(Photo: Nightscape, out my dorm room window.)

Anyway, Casey (she works in the records office on campus, so I get to see her pretty regularly) and I decided to have a dinner with everyone from GSAA that happened to be in the area. Apparently, there are only 5 of us. ;) Nah, just kidding! But, that's the number that showed up at Mongolian BBQ in Walla Walla last Thursday evening: Casey, Mitchell, Michael, Josiah, and I. We had fun trying to catch up with everyone's lives, as well as eating yummy food fried for us by some very talented cooks. :) After we finished our delicious Mongolian food, we car-pooled over to the Dairy Queen right beside the restaurant and enjoyed more laughter, friendship, and sweet treats to boot!

Friday afternoon found Casey and I swimming in the pool in the WEC (our campus gym, etc.). It was the first time I had ever been in the pool area. I had a good time with Casey; we swam 10 laps...well, I guess I only did about 7 or 8, but Casey was booking it across and back, across and back. We enjoyed our time together and made it last longer by getting a group together to go to Milton-Freewater's Muddy Frogwater Days. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a fair type event, only there's mainly concession booths and not much in the way of entertainment. Although, I must admit, we got a lot of free stuff, which is (I'm pretty sure) every college student's dream. :)

Casey and her friend, Jared, along with our mutual friend, Nick, and I all headed over to the fair (that's what I will call it so I don't have to write it all out again; haha!) around 2:15. We had a lot of fun looking at everything, and all of us bought a book or two (or three, as the case may be) for very cheap prices! Example: I bought Ellen White's book Education for only a dollar (that's $1.00, for those who are visual learners). ;) On our way back to College Place, we saw a pillar of smoke in the eastern sky and decided to track it down. Turns out they were just burning a field of an old crop, but it was a fun adventure.

(Photo: Left to right-Nick, Casey, Jared at the fair in Milton-Freewater.)

Since the temperature was over 100 (it had to be; we were all over-heating!), we decided to drive to a park on the other side of Walla Walla (Rooks Park, for those of you who know where that is). This park has a dam and a (for lack of a better word) river running along-side it. Jared didn't really want to go, because he had stuff to do at his apartment before sundown, so it was just Nick, Casey, and I. We waded in and skipped rocks up the river for half an hour. We then carefully made our way to the shore and headed up a trail toward Bennington Lake about 20-25 minutes (by foot) away. We dove right in...well, Nick pretty much slipped in, which was hilarious(!), but Casey and I decided to take it a little slower. ;) When we were done swimming across and back, we sat on the "beach" (I put that in quotation marks, because it wasn't your typical beach; it had tons of weeds along the embankment, and this is where we sat), and pulled out a Bible Casey had brought along for this purpose. We took turns finding passages that spoke to us individually and shared them with each other.

(Photo: Bennington Lake Moonrise - it was an incredible sight!)

On our way back, we sang hymns and praise songs and just enjoyed being in each other's company. A Hispanic couple were sitting on a bench along the trail watching the moon and asked us what we were singing. We told them it was a hymn (wish I could remember which one, but I cannot), and they then asked us if we were Christians. We answered in the affirmative, and then they complimented us on our singing abilities and we wished each other a good night. Casey commented later on that it made her happy that the couple stopped us to talk. :) It was a very neat experience.

As Casey drove us back to College Place, we turned the Christian radio station on and "rocked" out to the praise songs, having fun making up words or humming different notes when we didn't know how the various songs went. Let me tell you, we're not THAT great of singers...but, that didn't phase us. :) We sang anyway!

Saturday morning, I went to First Serve at the University Church and met up with Nick, Carl (Nick's roommate from last year), and Casey at a Sabbath School class that meets every Sabbath at 10:15. It was the first time I had attended (Casey's too) and it turned out to be a HUGE blessing. Afterwards, we all met up at Casey's apartment she shares with her sister, and ate a delicious lunch of spaghetti, green beans, corn, and for those of us who don't like spaghetti sauce (ahem-me-ahem), there was the option of Alfredo sauce.

After lunch, we (with the addition of three more; Gayla, Carl's second cousin, James, a friend of Nick's and Michael) car-pooled our way up to Jubilee Lake, off of Tollgate, which won't mean anything to you if you don't know where Tollgate is. :) It's a lake in between College Place and La Grande in the Blue Mountains (correct me if I'm wrong, anyone). Everyone, but me, went swimming in the lake, and then we headed along the trail that goes around the whole perimeter of Jubilee Lake. One of the guys broke his flip-flop and stopped to try to fix it while the rest of us went in split groups down the trail (we tried stopping and waiting for him, but he insisted we keep going). We all made it back to the cars safely and we headed back to College Place after a fun-filled afternoon.

(Photo: Nick, sitting beside Jubilee Lake with a duck family passing by.)

Saturday night, we all gathered once again at Nick's apartment to play some "Rock Band," a video game (sort of) where you can pick the song to play and each person is on a different instrument. As your notes come up on the screen, you must play them, or after three strikes, you get kicked out of the band. I've decided I like playing the bass guitar over electric guitar and drums (all three of which I tried...and failed miserably on the last two). :) Bass guitar has such a small number of notes and I can keep up with it better. We ate some cantelope (which Nick kept calling a watermelon), popcorn, and Casey brought some stuff to make s'mores in the microwave (it is so much fun watching the marshmallow puff up, let me tell you). ;) Casey and I didn't stay long, because I was getting tired, and she had lifeguard duty at a pool in Milton-Freewater the following morning and wanted a good night's rest. But, it was loads of fun and everyone laughed at each other's attempts at playing the different instruments.

Sunday morning, I woke up at 7:51 in the morning (I didn't set my alarm, but I am so used to getting up early, my body hasn't figured out that I can sleep in on Sundays now). I left my warm bed right after waking up and proceeded to clean, vacuum, and dust my room, and did the dishes that were stacking up beside my sink. I then went over to Becky and Jason's house to vacuum out the truck and came back to the dorm to clean my fish tank (which, I'm sure, my fish were very happy about).

(Photo: My fish; Zero is the black one and the orange one is Calypso.)

A little later, Nick called to let me know that he was getting a group together to go to Rook's Park to play some volleyball and I told him I was interested in going. We ended up leaving a couple hours later. It was only four of us: Nick, James, Aaron (Nick's friend who goes to Bible study with me), and I. We started playing on our own, but then a small group of people about our age (maybe a little younger) asked if they could join us. We readily agreed (it's hard to play volleyball two-on-two) and the games commenced! We all played until we literally couldn't see the ball anymore and then packed up and headed back to campus!

Thus, we have made it to this moment. I am in my room currently, listening to the comforting sounds of the air-conditioner blowing chilled air on me and I am thoroughly content to be inside. :) I'm thinking I should go to bed soon. I need to go to work tomorrow and it's Dallas' first day back after his long vacation, so there should be plenty of work to do! (Yay!!! I'm tired of being bored at work! ....and no, you'll probably never hear that from me again). :)

But, seriously, these past few days have given me so much to be thankful for and so much to be content about. I have good friends, tons and tons of laughter, a family that cares so much about me, and a God Who showers me with blessings everywhere I turn. I am surely blessed to be a part of Walla Walla University and I really do believe that this is where I am supposed to be. After a long week of not really knowing where I stood, this is my new home and I will stay for as long as God wills it. :)

(Photo: Zucchini Bread!)

Oh, and just for the record, I made zucchini bread for the first time for my Bible study last Wednesday. It turned out FANTASTIC, I am very proud to say! :)

"Somebody Else"

I have always had this urge to leave my comfort zone and fly away to another place and time, where I can start over and be somebody new...who knows? Maybe someday it will happen.

"Somebody Else"
by Miranda Lambert

Highway 65 sure sounds kinda nice.
I feel like drivin' somewhere far away.
Got the top rolled down, radio up loud.
Playin' Willie and Old Hank.

Well I don't really have a certain destination.
I'll just fill the gas tank up and use my imagination.

(Chorus)
I wanna feel my freedom blowin' through my hair.
Throw my troubles to the wind and scream out I don't care.
I'm tired of bein' down and out 'cause that ain't what life should be about.
I can feel the load gettin' lighter with every mile.
I wanna be somebody else for a little while.

Sometimes we're afraid to change, scared of what tomorrow brings.
Same routine every day.
If you never stop and listen, you don't know what you'll be missin',
Don't let your life slip away.

(Chorus)
I wanna feel my freedom blowin' through my hair.
Throw my troubles to the wind and scream out I don't care.
I'm tired of bein' down and out 'cause that ain't what life should be about.
I can feel the load gettin' lighter with every mile.
I wanna be somebody else for a little while.

Stay up all night and sleep all day and wake up with a smile.
I wanna be somebody else for a little while.

"Time to Say Goodbye"

I hate saying goodbye. I tend to steer away from that word, no matter how often I come across it in my life. Even if it is staring me in the face, I don't want to say it. Now, understand that I'm not talking about saying that word right before you hang up the phone or when you shout it out when you're going on vacation or some other place for a period of time. When you say it then, you know that you plan to come back.

That being said, I think there comes a time (or several) in your life when you must say goodbye to certain things that take you away from your focus. I'm talking about saying goodbye to people you know you need to say that word to, saying goodbye to things you know you must let go of in order to move on with your life.

Here is how I think one should go about doing the aforementioned task: List, Explain, Tackle, God, Organic = LET GO. That might sound a little strange to you, but let me elaborate on that list.

1. List - Figure out what exactly is causing you to lose your focus.
2. Explain - Describe why those things or people are able to distract you so easily.
3. Tackle - Make a plan.
4. God - Pray that you will do the right thing and that you aren't missing anything and pray also that God will show you the guidance you need as you go through with your plan and to be able to revise as needed.
5. Organic - Go back to the basics. Let God lead in your life and you can never go wrong!

Why am I writing about the "LET GO" concept?? Recently, I've realized that there are some things and people in my life that I am hanging onto with all of my might because I do not want to say goodbye. In reality, however, I know that when I let them go, my life will go in a new and better direction than it has gone or will go if I continue to hang onto the things that drag me down. Perhaps you are wondering what those things are. Honestly, I don't think it's important for you to know that. But, I DO think that it helps to have the encouragement and support of those close to you. Knowing they are on your side can make all the difference in the world.

Right now, I am at work. My boss is gone on vacation and for those of you who think I am slacking on the job, know that we really have nothing to do right now and I am being productive by updating my blog again. :) At the moment, I'm wondering how this is turning out and if any of this is making sense to you. I'm struggling to actually put down what I am thinking...

Sometimes, I want to be perfectly honest and blunt in this, my blog. But, I'm afraid I might end up offending someone or hurting someone's feelings when that is really not my intention. That, in itself, might make me change the topic as to why people find offending people so...well, offensive. They avoid it like the plague, when sometimes, offending is the only way to heal wounds that have been open and secreting puss for the last decade. Not a pretty picture? Well, neither is the sight of people hiding emotions and opinions for who-knows-how-long, their dignity and self-assurance rotting away like their wounds, because they find it so hard to speak the honest-to-goodness TRUTH! Can we please have a black and white world here, people(?!), instead of this mediocre grey, burning a hole through everything we once thought either right or wrong?!

I love dictionaries, so I just looked up the word "offend" and it states down through the definition that offending someone does not need to "imply an intentional hurting, but it may indicate merely a violation of the victim's sense of what is proper or fitting." Yes, we should be sympathetic to people different from ourselves, as well as to take into consideration how they feel or might feel if you do speak to them in a direct manner. But, what I want to know is this: Are we compromising who WE are in order to make THEM feel comfortable? And then the question that arises from that is this one: Who is "more important?" The answer is indelibly, a resounding "Neither!" But, looking under the surface, I want you to ask yourself, "Am I acting in accordance to the way God made me? or am I compromising who I am in order not to offend?"

We are told to watch what we say while growing up. "If you don't say something nice, then don't say anything at all," our parents have been telling us since we were born, borrowing (more like stealing - hehe) the line from the movie "Bambi." In school, we are taught the Golden Rule, which goes something like this: "Do unto others what you would have them do unto you," although at times, I do admit, I have been hard pressed not to change it to "Do onto others before they do onto you." :) (I'm kiddding, for those of you who don't know me as well as they think they do.)

As a result of this training while little, we become adults who find it so incredibly difficult to so much as think of offending anyone. Then, why do we find it so terribly easy to offend those who are closest to us? We hold our tongue while with strangers or people we admire or look up to, while we let loose on our own family, our kin, our best friends. Why do we think it's not OK to "offend" strangers, but find it fine and almost right to offend the people we hold dearest? I will tell you: We offend those closest to us, because we think it might change the way they act. Isn't that right? We offend, because we want change. But...don't we want change in other areas of our lives? In those parts of our lives which we struggle with the most? Then, why aren't we offending more?

I know I might get several different points of view on this subject, and please, let me have all of them. But, I think this is an important topic that begs for discussion. If no one else will bring it up, then why not me? :)

In my day-to-day dealings with several different types of people, I find myself not wanting to offend. I don't want them to get the wrong impression of me. I don't want them to disregard what I have to say because of something I have done to offend them, intentionally or not. Do you see where I am going with this yet? :)

IF the point of our time here on earth is to direct people to God, to Jesus...and IF we are meant to show others Who the Trinity really is...and IF our bodies are the temple of God...then, why do we care what others think of us? I guess in a way, that doesn't really make sense. BUT, hang with me on this one. I think I am getting somewhere... 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 has this to say about the topic: "Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price." Now, the key phrase in that text is that we "do not belong to [ourselves]." Are you making the connections? Let's keep going.

Mark 13:11 states that you should, "...take no thought beforehand what ye shall speak; neither need ye premeditate. But whatsoever shall be given to you in that hour, that speak ye; for it is not ye that speak, but the Holy Ghost." Have you ever been speaking to someone and suddenly felt like you really needed to tell them something, no matter how ludicrous it sounds in your head? Perhaps it's something that you've been meaning to tell them for a long time but never had the opportunity, or maybe it's something that just popped into your head. Either way, you know you have to say something and the opportunity to do so has presented itself. You know it might offend them, but you also know that it could change them, inside and out. You know what that is? That is the Holy Spirit talking through you. Who are you to put a cork on that?! Even if it offends, say it. I guess that is the point I am trying to make. That said, the Bible also states, "Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love" (1 Corinthians 16:13-14, emphasis mine). Speak the truth, but do it with love.

How did we get to this subject? Oh man, this blog is so disjointed. If it makes sense at all to you, we are on a roll. If not....well, these are just my thoughts, as random as they may seem. And it IS my blog. I can say whatever I want to...right? ;) I still have so many things going through my head right now, but I will not suffer you to endure them now. Maybe later. :) For now, however, remember that I love you and that if I speak bluntly, it only means that I am begging for change. :)

...Even so, come Lord Jesus, COME!...

Another Backward Birthday

July 13, 2008 - happy 20th to me! Oh man, do I love birthdays! But, not for the usual reasons. I love them, no matter who they are for, because they always seem to be so happy. :)

You know, now that I think of it, birthdays are very interesting things. You get presents when you are born and every year after that, on the anniversary of your birth, you are given more presents and cake and ice cream as people sing "Happy Birthday" to you and wait for you to blow out your candles, one for every year you have been alive.

Birthdays are a celebration of life, of love, of family. But, what I want to know is this: why don't your mother and father get presents? Think about it. Your mom and dad created little you. Your mom carries you inside for almost an entire year (less a couple of months). Your mom is the one to go to the doctor to get check-ups to make sure you are A-OK and that nothing is wrong with you and if there is, she and your dad are the ones to do everything to "fix" what went wrong, no matter the cost. Then, eventually, your mom goes through much pain so that you can take your first breath of fresh, sanitized hospital air. As you grow older and start maturing, your mom and dad are the ones to comfort, nurture, discipline, and guide you through life, with the help and grace of God. (Yes, even parents need help from God sometimes, you know.) :)

When I was little, I was very selfish when the year rolled around to July 13. All I wanted was for the whole day to be about me me me. It was my birthday and I could do whatever I wanted, right? Right. Well, in a way, I suppose that was right. My parents made it about me. They asked me what dessert I wanted, what meal I wanted cooked or if I wanted to go out to eat, what I wanted to do first, eat or open presents. Now, I'm

not saying that it is my parents' fault that I wanted birthdays to be a holiday for conceited little me. It was probably a combination of a lot of things that made me sit at the head of the table, selfishness dripping off every part of me, like the ice-cream I consistently got all over my face.

As I got older (and wiser? ...maybe...), I realized what birthdays should be about: family, friends, happiness, and a whole bunch of other good stuff. Now, I like doing stuff with everyone - I want them to have fun! I also realized that my parents should be the ones to get the kudos for bringing me into the world and for raising me to be the person I am today. I should have said this sooner than today, but I love you, Mom and Dad! And I'm glad you are my parents!

Birthdays are so backwards... :)